Rediscovering Myself 5 - The Final Verdict

This is the fourth and the last blog of the 'Rediscovering myself' series. No wonder, you must be thinking, that my last three blogs had nothing to do with my blog title. It was more of a travel account, my journey from India to USA and my survival strategies on the land of the dominants and my pursuit of happiness in a nation about which, its truly said,

"From Every Mountain,

Let Freedom Sing - America!!!"

I took a long break since I started writing this blog. I was a student when I started writing it, somewhere in my second semseter, and now I am a beholder of the so called 'American degree'.

I don't know why it took so long, may be to organize all my emotions that had been scattered all my mind, may be to study everything around, everyone around and learn things every moment before being accidentally conclusive.

I owe my special thanks to one guy called Christopher Columbus, centuries before who had connected two diametrically opposite races of the world together. Serendipity led to history and an accident led to an irony. If only he had discovered India before and would have regarded our tribes as "Red Americans", pages of history would have said a different story. The point to be noted here is that the connection of India and America can hence be dated back centuries ago, when a falsified belief paved way to the greatest turning point in the history of mankind.

I have discovered America for sure, but in the process, I have discovered my nation and myself better. Never ever would I have got a better chance to introspect, deep inside to dig up the greatest truths of life, unless this visit to America. The crux of this story is that I have evolved. I have developed a more cleaner perspective of life. Is it again too much a prenatal comment that would perhaps prove to be a 'nip in the bud'; cant really say.

The life in America as I always say is like a drunken man's life; the drunk who does not even get the time to get rid of his hangover and his next drink is ready. The weirdest thing is that he does not complain ever, he keeps gulping drink after drink, happy and satisfied to have led the 'American Dream'. Yes...thats the word...'American Dream'. I heard that word during a movie review of some holly-bolly movie or some book by an NRI author. But I never realized the strong vitality of the word till the moment I myself had a dream...the American Dream.

The American Dream is not only about pleasure and comfort. It's about working your arse the whole day and then coming back to a well equipped, technologically sound, very modern apartment in a luxury sedan. It's about leading a life of credit and forgetting all debits. It's about leading a life with air all the time since you are in the most developed nation on earth.

Now the 'Rediscovering' chapter revitalizes itself when I started my life here as an international student like every other indian guy. My story is no different from others, perhaps a little here and there. America has been an ordeal for me. An ordeal that I am still fighting, not as a student anymore but as an aspiring professional now, ready to dwelve in the world of earning and living.

When I landed on the American soil, little did I know the essence of American education, little did I know the stories of Indian students like me, and little did I know about the ordeal I was going to face here. Intially I always had a sombre look on face, sussing everyone I met, living a life of disbelief every moment. But thanks, as I always said "Life goes on"...the American ship sailed. I started becoming more happy at the fact that I was here. I was no more scared of being dependent on anyone. I started living the American way. I enjoyed walking alone to the college with my ipod earphones plugged into my ears. I ate Mexican, and burgers and sandwiches all the time. Coke was like water to me. My accent changed, my dressing style changed. I suddenly started liking wearing funny long shorts, and wearing the 'American flip-flops'. I enjoyed the American liberty that I had always heard of. I rediscovered myself every moment. I learnt that there is life for every individual in USA.

I started making friends here, to my surprise.

I started confiding in them I learnt that you can make friends every moment in life. I was sharing an apartment with a Punjabi, a Bong, and a Malyali. I had befriended a Gujju, a Bong, a Telugu guy. I learnt new cultures more than I learnt in my hostel back in India. I made best friends in USA who were longer to stay in my life. I met people more beautiful and nicer then ever. I met people who pointed out my negatives and helped me in every step or every move.

I joined Agromeck, the NCState Student Media. As a part of my job, I travelled around the huge campus, covered events, interviewed people and wrote articles about them. It was hence easier for me to study the American culture. I learnt how courteous these guys are. I learnt that racism is still an issue in USA. I learnt that what all young American undergrads know is cheese burgers, beer and sex. I learnt that American gradueates are smarter.

I joined a coffee shop and started working as a cashier and a barrista. I interacted 200 americans every day, taking orders, smiling at them like a robot and tiresomely saying "Hi, How can I help you?" and "Thank you!" at them. I learnt how important is cleanliness for Americans. I learnt how they throw food at the end of every day. I learnt that rules in America are like laws and they do not change for any one.

I travelled NYC, Atlanta, LA, SJ, NJ. I saw differences between the eastern coast and western coast cultures. I understood the pshyce of people staying in these places. Today when I am a graduate from NCSU, and I am desperately looking for a job, I look back when I landed on this soil. I feel like closing my eyes and try to dream again that American dream. I am living American Dream now. USA has made me more patriotic. USA has given me more nice friends. USA has shown me how diverse cultures can stay together in peace and harmony. USA has showed me what liberty and freedom is. I listen to more Hindi music than ever, I watch more Hindi movies than ever. USA has made me sound more Indian in its own way.

When Columbus discovered America, he did not know that his discovery will ever impact so much. And little did he know that on Decmeber 20th, 2008, ages after his discovery, would another person discover himself. This was a rediscovery. This re-discovery was about a common guy who found new ways of happiness to life. Happiness when discovered in the right tone and color, paves way to an eternal bliss - a bliss that the guy is pursuing. He got a new meaning to his life, a re-definition. It's like adding a color to a picture and setting a new thought to it. It's like seeing things with the same eyes but getting to know them better.

That was the rediscovery I made in the soil of America! And that is my final verdict!

A revellation driven my passion...A re-discovery...

Rediscovering Myself 4 - When Past meets Present

I had to write this Special Edition primarily because of two reasons that I simply cannot ignore:
(1) Meeting my best buddy after 7 long eventful months
(2) My trip to New York City

Dec 23, 2:00 pm: I am busy packing all my things in my mini suitcase. I packed everything one moment and unpacked all the next moment. I felt as if I forgot my little belongings although I had literally put almost everything in the bag. I called up my friend every minute to ask him if I should get anything more. I was so nervous to meet him after 7 months. Last time I saw him, it was in Pune. After 5 years of staying together as roomies, we had parted. I was so excited to see him again. I was desperately waiting for this day to come.

My journey to New Jersey and New York begins here. I am accompanied by my college mate during the trip. He will be off to his uncle's place and I will off to my friend's apartment. We are supposed to board the 5:20 American Airlines flight. We reach on time but alas we learn that the flight is delayed. The flight finally takes off at 7:15 pm and we reach Newark Liberty Airport at 8:30pm. My friend's uncle is late to pick us off. He drops me at 98D Cedar Lane, Highland Park.

Dec 23, 11:00 pm: I was inside the car as it approached the NJ Transit bus stop. It was cold and dark outside and I saw a very familiar figure, waiting at the bus stop. Clad in a brown hoodie, I saw the face of a guy, I had been dying to meet for months. The same physique, the same build, the same unshaved face and the same cute smile. I saw my friend.
It was in Pune that I last bid him bye. I was leaving for my home and he saw me off in an auto and I kept waving my hand with a deep sorrow in my heart. Things had changed since. Eventful months in between...But US brought us back together.

We are friends again. Best friends like before - for five years we were literally friends, parents and siblings to each other. Perhaps life is truly strange. You always tend to do the worst things with the best of the people and then learn your mistakes. That in fact tells you how best that person is in your life.

My friend looked exactly the same. Its just that the surrounding had changed. The place was different, the time was different and the situation was different. I was clueless of how to react. I got down from the car, handed over my bag to him and smiled at him, as if it was something very usual; as if I was away for sometime and now I was back.

His apartment was very clean. He had cleaned it for me. I met his new roomies, all gujjus, quite expected. The guys were very sober and friendly. They treated me royally initially as if I was some guest. But it hardly took time to become a part of their daily chore. I was back at my place - felt so happy and relieved that my friend was with me like before.

My 10 days in New Jersey was so very peaceful. Life was so nice and sweet. There was no tension, nothing to worry about. Time just flew away. Almost all the time I was with my friend, talking and talking and talking. Our discussions never ended and as usual our discussion were varied. They began from Masters studies in NJ and NC, went on to College in Nagpur, and then our office days and then politics in Gujarat to Hollywood movies to communist policies in West Bengal to Barrack O Bama in US to Usher and what not. This is the best part of all. I have always enjoyed talking to my friend. Talking with him means learning and sharing. It's after all not those boyish and kiddish talks about who's the hottest girl in town. I am bored with all that stuff. And here I found oxygen again. It felt so relieving to be able to be myself with him. I was the real me after ages.

The stay in NJ involved hopping into MenloPark Mall and Woodbridge Mall, catching movies at the AMC Theaters (this was after a long long time...I have watched around 500 movies with this friend of mine....there was a time when every night when my Mom called me, she was fed up to hear me saying "Mom, I am inside the theater, I cant talk to you now, Call me later!!!"), cooking food for friends, drinking sparkling wine and american beer, watching movies on the laptop, and sleeping the rest of the time in peace!!!

My trip also involved twice travelling to New York City.
The All awaited NYC. If only life could be standstill. From the Empire State, to the Statue of Liberty, to Ellis Island, to The Charging Bull, NYSE, Times Square, NASDAQ, Rockefeller, WTC Site, Brooklyn Bridge and what not. I was just speechless, awestruck, dumbfounded and bereft of words. World No. 1 city NYC...and I was there. My friend made it possible. All credit goes to him. Thanks a zillion times that he accompanied me to NYC. We went to Madame Tussuad's as I had always pampered him about. And we did have great fun.
We went to Planet Hollywood, Virgin Studios, and Roxy Pastries to have $10 pastries. Life was at its peak...I was thrilled to be a part of this trip. It was all dream come true.

One whole week...time flew away...and when it was time to part again from my best buddy...my heart sank deep...emotions began overflowing...

Here I am back to Raleigh...busy all time in labs and classrooms...spending most of the time doing projects and assignments...torn apart from the fun life I envy of...eagerly waiting for a call form my friend...while most of the times getting succumbed to monotony and boredom and trying to make myself happy thinking of the colorful past and wishing only if they could be my present...

They say...life is all about bits and parts of events...which when put together at the right place and time makes it colorful...Thanks to my friend...whom I love the most...hat's off to his patience and intellect to tolerate me for more than 5 years now...thanks to God for making me a better person...so that I could come back to him as a trustworthy guy...and build up a bond that is stay forever.

Rediscovering Myself 3 - The American Desis

The Inscrutable Americans and the Confused Desis. Yeah, that is my subject.
The word 'desi' has a strange connotation attached with it. There are people who love to be known as the 'desis' while a dwindling few hate it. The fomer are the ones who have been here for a long time, some born here and some too much evolved in the american culture and couture. The latter are obviously the ones who are new to this land; complaining, frustrated and scandalized little knowing that time flies here and it would be very soon that they would be in the former group.

By sheer lack of etymological talents, I am yet to decipher the real meaning of the word, but in short I have understood that all NRIs in America who think they are much superior than their folks back in India are the original members of the 'desi' tribe. I personally have no issues of being called a 'desi' as long as I am aware of my state of mind. In short, I don't care. I am not here to be judgmental about things, I am here to pen down my observations and to interpret them in my own way, with respect to all.

October 20, 21:00 hrs: The Hindu Society of North Carolina
Raas Garba: This was my first Indian festival in the USA. Indian Festivals in USA are made up and gimmicked. They don't follow dates, they don't follow 'mahurats', they just follow time schedules of the people attending it. Its always more of a gathering where people come to flaunt their Indian culture. I liked it as it was fun.

This is the first garba in my life. Thanks to my friend who took the pain of taking me with him for the event. Clad in traditional kurtas, when we reached there, we found that the place was a sea of Indians. A smile flickered on my face. I was happy from the bottom of my heart after a long time. I could see people like me...it was as if everything belonged to me. Pride filled my heart and I felt like a true Indian. Pretty girls in lehengas and cholis and ghagras, ladies in beautiful sarees, and men in magnificient kurta stole the show. It was so colorful that everything glittered in the light.

I joined my friends for the dance and managed to play garba and dandiya. It was so fun that for a moment it felt I am somewhere in India. I was amidst Patels (with an american 't' in it), Desais, and Shahs, but the nevertheless the party was full of 'masti'. The gujju flavor engulfed me deep within that I almost felt I am a gujju. Excitement flowed in so much, that we never thought twice before buying $2 samosas and dhoklas there. After a long time, I felt like a true Indian and felt happy and proud about it.


October 28th, 3:00pm, Amber Shrine Temple
Durga Pujo: The tiniest Durga idol, plastic flowers, no marigolds and hibiscus, no bel and tulsi, no women in traditional red bordered white sarees, little vermillion, no myrah, no incense stick smell, abundant food like chicken, fish, 'dodhikorma', 'khichuri' and roshogolla; that was DURGA PUJO in Raleigh all about. I bet that tiny Durga Ma must have been suffocated amidst these stone-hearted, techno frenzied, unemotional (though an audacious word) so called English (accented) speaking Bongs. She must have cursed herself and her kids for coming to this alien land but finally must have silently accepted her fate of getting packed in a polythene inside a box at the end of the event.

It was a Bong event for sure, but the Bongs spoke Bengali with a style with more of English in it, quite heard in some 'tyansh' (intellectuals who flaunt their intellect) parts of South Kolkata.
But I must say that whoever they belonged to, even if less to Bengal and more to USA, I don't care. I was overwhelmed by their warmth. The people were so nice and considerate, that they dropped us back home in their cabs with a lot of packed food for all of us. Perhaps deep inside they were still the real Bangalis, but amidst this chaos and confusion, they preffered surrendering happily to the alien laws and norms.
I flaunted that day to be a Bengali I wore a traditional Bengali kurta (looking like some character of a king's court). I made an extra attempt to let know others of my true tradition.

....to be concluded

Rediscovering Myself 2 - My First Trip

It has now been over three months that I am in United States in the State of North Carolina in the city of Raleigh. I am already done with a total of thirty two homeworks and five exams in my four courses. I have classes four days every week and the rest three days I am either doing my lab work or am sleeping. America has taught me to be busy, so busy that I wish days could have been longer with thirty-six hours in it.
I am quite all set in my apartment here. The american apartment is a techno-freak, automatic, machine run house. It has everything that you need from a microwave to a dishwasher, to an oven, washer, drier and so on. Perhaps my folks back home would have called this a hotel. But alas, the guy who used to run after comforts once, satiates his conscience by sleeping on the floor today with comforters (as they call it here...a mere US version of 'katha'). That is all to cut the long story short.

October 13th, 9:00 am...I am at the Atlanta Airport, standing amidst thousands of people. I glanced around to see that this place is so fast moving, faster even than the second hand of the clock. People running to queue up in lines near the check in counters, people gathered at the baggage carousal, everyone busy with their own lives, no one even took a single micro sec to look back at things...People just moved on there...

I got the real picture of an american city that day, the last time it was the short accidental honeymoon of turmoils at new york and now it was Atlanta, Georgia State.
From my disembarking point, the baggage carousal was a mile away...and much to my ignorance, I didn't take the airport air train to reach there, instead walked all way to my destination inside the airport. I could see shops of American Eagle, Starbucks coffee, airport duty free shops of cheap alcohol, and the most common 'sandwich and burgers' shops...I found people dressed neat and clean (what we call tip-top) in jackets and long coats, with bags in one hand, and a lid covered paper glass of coffee in the other, some busy with their laptops, some reading the local daily and some busy romancing their better halves.I was time to say "Hello Atlanta!!!"
Atlanta was the first US city that I measured every corner at length and analyzed every aspect critically. I didn't have time to see New York much, so Atlanta served as the first urban metro city to me. Six lane flyovers and free ways, sixty and seventy floor skyscrapers, concept of downtown and uptown, hooters where waitresses wear bikinis, world's largest aquarium, my first whales and sharks and sea wolves, Coke Museum, Olympic Park, mammoth sized shopping malls, my first showrooms of Versace and Gucci and Armani and Rolex and so on, Merc Benz, Bentley, Dodge Vipers and Range Rovers, that was what Atlanta all about the city of 50 Cents and Usher stood proud as a symbol of modern day civilization.

On my way to downtown Atlanta, when I saw the tall skyscrapers standing upright as emblems of modern urbanity, my heart overflew with emotions. My heart welled up...if only Ma and Baba and Didi would have been with me. I still remember it was some bollywood movie, shot in Europe, that I went to watch with my sister and after watching it, she had said "Tirtho, it would be really great if you go abroad some day and then you take me there and then we would visit all these places and have loads of fun." I really missed my folks that moment. I felt like crying out with joy. I continuously photographed the place and kept on shouting with excitement...USA is like the land of dreams...Its truly said that in USA, all your dreams come true, this nation doesn't upset you."

My trip to Atlanta will always be a special one. It was primarily possible because of a friend of mine from Georgia Tech, whom I accidentally met in Raleigh. We are good buddies now and are constantly in touch. He is 'punjabi munda' from Delhi but desperately wants to be an American. He is continuously at probe for blondes and brunettes but fate never accompanies him. I was more than happy to be at his place and roam around with him. He took me to my first pub and disco theque in USA. He made my first dream come true. He has carved a niche in my heart by making it so special to be there. The trip to Atlanta will always be a special one.

...to be continued...